Art is a chaotic mixture of beauty, passion, and raw emotions exploded onto a canvas, whether that canvas be paper, skin, nature, clay, metal, wood, film, music, or stone. Paintings, photographs, architecture, sculpture are only examples of art, not definitions.
Just as it’s said you have to believe in the fairy folk to see them, you must open your eyes to notice art is all around.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
A.R.T.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
Tightlacing - Break In (Week One)
So all thanks to my mother for buying me the corset I wanted =) I now am starting to tightlace (waist train). Just like you're suppossed to, it's 4 inches smaller than my natural waist but as I'm breaking it in for the first day, it's only laced in about 1.5 or 2 inches, so my waist is 30" right now. I've heard from plenty of women starting to wear corsets who tightened it as tight as they could the very first second they got it, BAD IDEA! That's not only bad for you but that will also damage the corset, you might as well go to the bank, take out $200 or $300 and just throw it in a puddle then walk away.
When you first buy a corset, and put it on it will look funny, if you expect to look like the models on the magazine or on the site where you bought the corset from, you're in for a rude surprise. You will be tempted to just lace the top and bottom laces tighter than the middle to fill in the gaps, but don't do that, that will throw your corset off.
I have a simple black 28" double boned corset from AbsoluteCorsets.com. When I put it on I was just in a shirt and underwear so once I had it on I tried to put shorts on, that was slightly difficult lol duh, but I didn't bend that much so my corset was not harmed in the process. Currently I've had it on for about an hour, I'm going to leave it on for about 1 or 2 more hours then take it off for today.
There's no rule for breaking in a corset, how long and how often depends on your body and the corset. The standard is about 2-3 weeks, wearing it for a few hours a day, but that's just if you're NOT waist training. I am however, so for the first 3-4 days I'm going to only wear it for a few hours a day, then for the next week I'm going to wear it for longer, probably about 8-10 hours a day. So by the end of the break in process, I will be able to wear the corset 17-24 hours a day.
I read a horror story about this girl who bought a corset and tightened super tight once she got it and continued to do so but she became mad at the corset and those who invented the idea, because she was light headed, had constant headaches, and couldn't breath and she couldn't really sit or lay down as she wanted to. WELL THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DO IT WRONG. My story on the other hand is much better, I can sit down, I don't have any headaches or backaches, my breathing is 90% normal, anytime something is compressing your stomach your breathing will not be the same, but I don't feel lighthead or like I'm going to die anytime soon.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Ho Hum
I've gained a few pounds. Figures. Oh well, as long as I only have one chin and I don't look down and exclaim in absolute horror "dear god.. where are my feet?!" I'm not really going to seriously complain.
Went digging in an box in the study today, found a few things. Found some of my old jewelry, ofcourse I kept most of it, put it back into my jewelry box. Found some CDs that I'm now currently putting into my iTunes, Frou Frou, Nat King Cole, Harry Connick Jr., and Bach.
I keep on finding random black marks on my skin, no idea where I keep on getting them from.
"The Christmas Song" by Nat King Cole has got to be the sole song that conjures up so many memories. Christmas was always the best time of year, but then death kept on interrupting it and it wasn't the same. The tree got smaller and smaller. We moved from a small apartment to a house. Schedules got busy, no more Nat King Cole being played from the stereo, no more watching old Christmas movies, the animated ones. No more Charlie Brown. It was always nice, now it's less of a fantasy. But every time I hear this song, I get blasted with a hundred memories, a hundred scents, a hundred sounds all at once. I was such a different person. I know everyone changes, but you shouldn't change as much as I have, you should be able to keep some things. But it's always nice to reflect on the past memories, and for some reason it's all centered around Christmas for me. Also, "Caroling, Caroling" by Nat King Cole, I remember that song was almost played as much as "The Christmas Song". And this pop up book of the song...I forgot what it's called, but the book would play the song, I found the book last month but it died =( nomore sound.
When my cousin was shaken when he was 7 months old, two years ago, I always knew what happened. The boyfriend shaked him and kicked him against the wall, I knew he had brain damage and had to be hospitalized, I knew the boyfriend went to jail, but I never knew my cousin went blind because of it and also has cerebral palsy now because of it, never knew the long term effects it had on him..obviously, two years later. To be born that way is one thing, but to have your life made so much harder just because a guy couldn't handle your crying, is frustrating for him and the mother. It's sad, but in the recent photos I see of him, he looks happy atleast. =)
Went digging in an box in the study today, found a few things. Found some of my old jewelry, ofcourse I kept most of it, put it back into my jewelry box. Found some CDs that I'm now currently putting into my iTunes, Frou Frou, Nat King Cole, Harry Connick Jr., and Bach.
I keep on finding random black marks on my skin, no idea where I keep on getting them from.
"The Christmas Song" by Nat King Cole has got to be the sole song that conjures up so many memories. Christmas was always the best time of year, but then death kept on interrupting it and it wasn't the same. The tree got smaller and smaller. We moved from a small apartment to a house. Schedules got busy, no more Nat King Cole being played from the stereo, no more watching old Christmas movies, the animated ones. No more Charlie Brown. It was always nice, now it's less of a fantasy. But every time I hear this song, I get blasted with a hundred memories, a hundred scents, a hundred sounds all at once. I was such a different person. I know everyone changes, but you shouldn't change as much as I have, you should be able to keep some things. But it's always nice to reflect on the past memories, and for some reason it's all centered around Christmas for me. Also, "Caroling, Caroling" by Nat King Cole, I remember that song was almost played as much as "The Christmas Song". And this pop up book of the song...I forgot what it's called, but the book would play the song, I found the book last month but it died =( nomore sound.
When my cousin was shaken when he was 7 months old, two years ago, I always knew what happened. The boyfriend shaked him and kicked him against the wall, I knew he had brain damage and had to be hospitalized, I knew the boyfriend went to jail, but I never knew my cousin went blind because of it and also has cerebral palsy now because of it, never knew the long term effects it had on him..obviously, two years later. To be born that way is one thing, but to have your life made so much harder just because a guy couldn't handle your crying, is frustrating for him and the mother. It's sad, but in the recent photos I see of him, he looks happy atleast. =)
Monday, August 9, 2010
An Ode
No one will ever love you like I did,
but you threw it all away for the thrill of the game,
others in relationships got kisses, all i got were scars,
I didn't fall in love with you, I realize now I sold my soul to the devil,
no one has ever hurt me like you, and now no one will ever again,
everytime i tried to leave, you always made me somehow, stay,
other girls got flowers from her man, you just told me lies,
where were you when i cried out your name,
where were you when i needed my man to be there,
it could have been a simple, sweet love,
but you made it into a neverending battle,
a battle between staying and leaving,
a battle between killing myself or tearing myself away,
a star has your name in the sky, but you gave me the best gift of all,
a life lesson everyone must learn, don't let go,
to the devil, i cast my soul, for your love, but your love,
was not what i thought, so i was left lost in your world,
i gave you the rest of my light, leaving me in darkness,
your hand nowhere to guide me.
An unknown power came down to save me from you,
an unknown force bubbled inside me,
you left me blinded and twisted and scared and doubtful and bitter and hateful with no passion left for anything in this world,
but i regained my bright along with my dignity and passion,
i still have those scars you left,
i will never be the person i was before you,
i'm still damaged but i turned that damage into something beautiful,
but now you wanna change and call out MY name and search for MY hand because now YOU are searching blind and doubtful in the darkness,
my light no longer being there to show your path,
don't you know everything we do in this universe comes back to us in two, well now you do, so boo hoo, to you.
but you threw it all away for the thrill of the game,
others in relationships got kisses, all i got were scars,
I didn't fall in love with you, I realize now I sold my soul to the devil,
no one has ever hurt me like you, and now no one will ever again,
everytime i tried to leave, you always made me somehow, stay,
other girls got flowers from her man, you just told me lies,
where were you when i cried out your name,
where were you when i needed my man to be there,
it could have been a simple, sweet love,
but you made it into a neverending battle,
a battle between staying and leaving,
a battle between killing myself or tearing myself away,
a star has your name in the sky, but you gave me the best gift of all,
a life lesson everyone must learn, don't let go,
to the devil, i cast my soul, for your love, but your love,
was not what i thought, so i was left lost in your world,
i gave you the rest of my light, leaving me in darkness,
your hand nowhere to guide me.
An unknown power came down to save me from you,
an unknown force bubbled inside me,
you left me blinded and twisted and scared and doubtful and bitter and hateful with no passion left for anything in this world,
but i regained my bright along with my dignity and passion,
i still have those scars you left,
i will never be the person i was before you,
i'm still damaged but i turned that damage into something beautiful,
but now you wanna change and call out MY name and search for MY hand because now YOU are searching blind and doubtful in the darkness,
my light no longer being there to show your path,
don't you know everything we do in this universe comes back to us in two, well now you do, so boo hoo, to you.
Slide Lyrics - The Dresden Dolls
a late april day and it's sunny outside
and a red little girl's at the top of a slide
and an an orange old man at the bottom
wants to take her for a ride
as she slips and she tumbles the orange man mumbles
pennies crash down from the sky
and he tells her he'll take her away where it's safe
and of course it is a lie
she's a third the down and her skirts are yanked up
and her little girl cheeks start to wrinkle
but her smile is wide and her legs are spread wider
her hair growing long and her hips getting larger
past getting brighter
light growing weaker....
she is halfway down now but the man is impatient
shakes change in his pocket he might have to wait but she's coming...
she's coming...
who are you blaming?
they're just playing!
that's a good one...
who left the playground
a good decade before the bell rang?
as she starts to draw nearer the view becomes clearer
the splinters are painful but she doesn't feel it
the pennies were loaded and as they exploded
she starts to spin out of control...
her eyes are now closing her sleeves are unrolling
up past her head and her veins are all showing
not that she noticed she's thoroughly focused on
one old man who's laughing...
who's laughing....
dont' worry
i've got you
don't worry
i've got you
the orangeman got you.....
and a red little girl's at the top of a slide
and an an orange old man at the bottom
wants to take her for a ride
as she slips and she tumbles the orange man mumbles
pennies crash down from the sky
and he tells her he'll take her away where it's safe
and of course it is a lie
she's a third the down and her skirts are yanked up
and her little girl cheeks start to wrinkle
but her smile is wide and her legs are spread wider
her hair growing long and her hips getting larger
past getting brighter
light growing weaker....
she is halfway down now but the man is impatient
shakes change in his pocket he might have to wait but she's coming...
she's coming...
who are you blaming?
they're just playing!
that's a good one...
who left the playground
a good decade before the bell rang?
as she starts to draw nearer the view becomes clearer
the splinters are painful but she doesn't feel it
the pennies were loaded and as they exploded
she starts to spin out of control...
her eyes are now closing her sleeves are unrolling
up past her head and her veins are all showing
not that she noticed she's thoroughly focused on
one old man who's laughing...
who's laughing....
dont' worry
i've got you
don't worry
i've got you
the orangeman got you.....
Friday, July 30, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Thought of the day
There's never an excuse to be conceited, it only shows your superficiality and how shallow of a character you possess. It's not cute and doesn't deserve any kind of respect. All the relationships you gain through whichever success you've been granted, will all eventually dwindle and show how many people in your life that truly care...zero.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Ick
People are so fake. And I don't mean two-faced, I just mean stupid, they say things and don't actually mean them, like a really bad pick-up line. Ugh. Men and women. So over stupidity.
The Word of the Unseen
I'm waiting for the day when people realize that all religions are all the same thing with different labels. Just like pickles. You have different brands, some are cheaper than others, but they're all pickles. Yes, I just compared religion to pickles. But I know that day will never come, because I know what human nature is. If I were to believe in a religious faith and saw signs and miracles everywhere, the single philosophy I would have is this.. Different religions are the Last Test; we humans keep on remaking the same religion over and over and over again and millions are being murdered or committing suicide over that One religion, repeatedly, there is no one right religion, there is ONLY one religion and those who truly see the truth, see that, those are the few that are saved; saved from ignorance; saved from self-damnation; saved from destruction. Heaven and hell is what we make it, not where we go. I would shake my head at those who call themselves true Christians, or true Jews, or true Muslims, or true Polytheists, etc all because they follow rules in a book, the only reason why they're good to people; the only reason why they help those in need is because the book, their Divinity, told them to. That's not true goodness. Genuine goodness comes from your heart, from the choices you choose to make, not because you were told to do something, not because you're only scared of being tortured for all of eternity; that is too ignorance, that is selfishness. If I was the divine force that ruled over everything, I would bow my head in shame at the race I created, fore more than enough have failed my Tests. But I'm not, so instead I bow my head in shame at my fellow race, because now I am doomed to live in a world polluted in fear, hate, ignorance, and self-destruction. There is no Hell where demons roam and babies are ripped apart from limb to limb, there is only the Hell that we, as the human race, have made here, on Earth and generation after generation have to pay the price.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Turn Those Tears Inside Out
I can't stress enough how important it is to smile and see the bigger picture, to laugh when you get rejected, to turn the other way when somebody tells you that you're not shit. A boy you think is perfect, your soulmate, looks at you and walks away never to run into you again, or to be in a committed relationship while you're single. You can't mope and cry about how you let the perfect one slip away. You can't center your life around anybody else but yourself. Didn't you always hear about how you shouldn't put all your eggs in one basket? You have to be able to smile and laugh about The One getting away. Odd word of advice? Because you let yourself center your happiness around the idea of finding that one person that completes you, you find my advice strange. I've learned that you have to be able to shrug away rejection or not even being able to get close enough to touch the person you think is perfect for you... you love the same things, you have the same sense of humor, he/she is gorgeous, and yet doesn't care about you or doesn't know you exist... Painful? Not really. Not anymore for me anyways, because I learned to center myself around.... me. The love of your life got away? So what, you still have your soul, your spirit, the mountains are still there, the friends that you get crazy with, get drunk with, gossip with, have stimulating conversations with, are all still there. You have to see the BIGGER PICTURE. All my life I've had people that were my seniors tell me that I will never amount to anything, the most I'll ever be able to do is to get an AA at a community college, that I have no talent. I've had to teach myself how to let insults wash over me, how to put everything into context, how to be objective and SEE. If I believed that person who told me I'll never amount to anything, I probably wouldn't have.
Learn to smile more.
Learn to shrug away materialistic pain.
Learn to absorb negativity and turn it into something beautiful.
If Michaelangelo focused on one single detail, the Ceiling would have never been finished.
Learn to smile more.
Learn to shrug away materialistic pain.
Learn to absorb negativity and turn it into something beautiful.
If Michaelangelo focused on one single detail, the Ceiling would have never been finished.
Late Night Confessions
It's practically day light outside and I have to wake up at 11am to feed my dogs and then later babysit my godson until 9:30pm, hopefully I'll have the energy because he can walk now. I do have plans for him today but I don't know how long they will last. I don't want to go to sleep anyways. Sleeping is essential but is such a waste.
I've always been fascinated with baby names but recently when I found out I could more than likely be infertile, I lost almost all fascination with names, because I'm like what's the point? It's like making one of those, create your own shoes or car when you know you can't afford it, it's just another reminder of what you can't have.
I've never been a marriage person. When I got back with my ex, I planned our wedding after he proposed to me. Never say yes when you're not in love by the way. I think I planned it because I just like planning and creating shit. I had everything on this one wedding planner site, theknot.com. After we broke up I've kind of banned myself from going to that site, I'm not saying I have urges to go there, I just don't care for the idea of marriage even more now. And it's not that kind of bitter dislike, it's just less appealing. Just like the idea of me getting a boyfriend is not appealing at all. And guys don't even get it when I say I'm tired of relationships after getting out of my relationship with my ex. "I'm not your ex" is all they'd ever say, and I'd reply with, "you weren't listening to anything I fuckin said." I'm not bitter, I don't hate men, I don't think all men are assholes, I just don't want another boyfriend after being in such a long relationship. I never got a chance to just fuckin ENJOY those 4 years of my life, soooo... why would I throw myself into another relationship? Some people find being in a relationship as a nice security blanket, I see it as a blanket that's suffocating me. When I finally have a chance to be free and on my own and not have anyone to call or make sure I remember their birthday and remember the anniversary date, and not having to explain myself for every single thing that's taken out of context.... why the FUCK..... would I voluntarily lock myself in that cage? That's the point they don't get, that just smells like desperation to me, when you want to be in a relationship with me so bad after not really finding out what kind of person I am. I just stopped telling people that. When they ask why I'm single I just say because I want to be. It is the truth after all.
I've always been fascinated with baby names but recently when I found out I could more than likely be infertile, I lost almost all fascination with names, because I'm like what's the point? It's like making one of those, create your own shoes or car when you know you can't afford it, it's just another reminder of what you can't have.
I've never been a marriage person. When I got back with my ex, I planned our wedding after he proposed to me. Never say yes when you're not in love by the way. I think I planned it because I just like planning and creating shit. I had everything on this one wedding planner site, theknot.com. After we broke up I've kind of banned myself from going to that site, I'm not saying I have urges to go there, I just don't care for the idea of marriage even more now. And it's not that kind of bitter dislike, it's just less appealing. Just like the idea of me getting a boyfriend is not appealing at all. And guys don't even get it when I say I'm tired of relationships after getting out of my relationship with my ex. "I'm not your ex" is all they'd ever say, and I'd reply with, "you weren't listening to anything I fuckin said." I'm not bitter, I don't hate men, I don't think all men are assholes, I just don't want another boyfriend after being in such a long relationship. I never got a chance to just fuckin ENJOY those 4 years of my life, soooo... why would I throw myself into another relationship? Some people find being in a relationship as a nice security blanket, I see it as a blanket that's suffocating me. When I finally have a chance to be free and on my own and not have anyone to call or make sure I remember their birthday and remember the anniversary date, and not having to explain myself for every single thing that's taken out of context.... why the FUCK..... would I voluntarily lock myself in that cage? That's the point they don't get, that just smells like desperation to me, when you want to be in a relationship with me so bad after not really finding out what kind of person I am. I just stopped telling people that. When they ask why I'm single I just say because I want to be. It is the truth after all.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Desert Thirst
So I've been wanting to take a road trip to the Kelso Sand Dunes in Kelso, CA for about a month. So two days ago, I finally woke up, got my playlist, packed up the right shit and my camera, and drove off. A big rig almost crashed into me while I was on the 605 North. Avoiding traffic and near death experiences, I finally got on the very last freeway while I was in Ludlow,CA (2.5 hours later). I was on the 15 and I didnt even see it, but this sand storm hits my car so hard it sent me into the next lane, good thing a car wasn't next to me. I didn't run into a sand storm that bad after that (good thing too). Finally arriving in Kelso, CA I got off (Exit 78 Kelbaker Rd). I saw this big rock formation and I had to pull off the road and get out my camera.
Got back into my car and drove onward for about 16 more miles, missing the road I had to turn on, I turned around and turned down the gravel road (poor tires), but fuck it I drove 3 hours might as well do it. I'm the only car there, I park and used the most disgusting bathroom of my life. Seeing the signs of snakes, I walked forward saying goodbye to my car. I ofcourse brought water, car keys, and my camera. Seeing footsteps, desert plants, big flying insects, and snake trails I tried to not let the burning sun bother me. (I put on 70 SPF and remembered to wear short shorts.) I walked and walked, trekking quickly is hard to do in the sandy desert. I turn to look back, my car being a small, silver speck in the distance I keep on walking. I stop and calculate how much farther I have to walk in order to reach the very top of the sand dune. I stopped to drink and snap some photos, my feet are burning, my body is on fire, my legs cramp off and on, the more I walked the heavier my feet got, and my eyes were tired of scanning the ground for snakes. The more I drank, the thirstier I got, but I didn't want to drink too much I didn't want to puke at the sand dunes. I knew it would be hell for me to have to walk all the way back so I said adieu and turned around. And as I walked towards my car, the closer I got to it the more thankful I am that I turned around when I did. I felt like I was dying by the time I got to my car, I didn't give a fuck about snakes anymore, I felt my face burning and I was so exhausted from trekking through all that fucking sand. And I had holes in my shoes (why I didn't think of that, I didn't know) so the more I walked the more hot sand got into my shoes, burning my feet and making my feet heavier. I felt stupid because so many have lived in this environment and had to walk through burning deserts for days, but I threw myself in that environment so I didn't feel so bad, but am impressed by those who find trekking through the burning desert not a problem. And it made me miss my parents, if they were there I probably would have made it to the top like I did when I was younger with my mom, but I decided I fulfilled my thirst for the desert. I am glad I drove 3 hours to get there, I figure the traffic on the way back and my car now being covered in sand worth it, and I loved going there by myself, but never again.
Monday, June 28, 2010
In Order to Live
In order to live, you must fail at something. To win at everything is not living, that's like sleeping your way through life. I've had to learn the hard way that you HAVE to stop and breathe, you have to throw everything to the wind and say fuck it, sometimes. I do believe that nothing is a coincidence, that some things are just meant to be, some people you aren't meant to meet, but Life is busy, you have to take the incentive sometimes and help craft your own destiny.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Article on JRM
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-496104/The-troubling-truth-Jonathan-Rhys-Meyers.html
Boy Charts
In high school, I think it was the 11th or 12th grade that I decided to try and find my type statistically. So i made all these charts of the guys I had crushes on spanning my high school career. I had charts on hair color, eye color, skin shades (not just color, shades), personalities, ages and I had other charts relating the previous charts to what I was doing at that time, what my style was, what type of music I liked, etc. So I saw my type change over a couple of years and it mostly related to the type of music I was listening to. When I listened mainly to rock music I preferred white guys with shaggy hair that were older than me. However, when I changed to r&b music being the preferred choice, my type of men shifted to dark skinned African Americans with big lips and that were also older. I found out a lot of things, but that was the one thing that stood out the most.
I'm so fucking odd.
I think I might make charts again, from 2007 to now and see how and if it's changed. I like to make charts for some reason.
I'm so fucking odd.
I think I might make charts again, from 2007 to now and see how and if it's changed. I like to make charts for some reason.
Random Hairyness
Daniel Radcliffe hates when people chew gum? That's so fucking strange lol, what a freak. But I'm a freak too, so I'm not talking shit here.
Mona Lisa's Secret
So the Mona Lisa does have eyebrows, they were just barely there to begin with and age has made her appear with no eyebrows. I read that orignally her smile, face width, and eyes were also somewhat different. I've always wondered if she had a veil on her head and it looks as if she does. People put so much effort into their extensive theories on the Mona Lisa, just like people who believe in UFOs are obssessed with government conspiracies.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
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