kokology

So I have this book that I've had for about a year, it's all Kokology; games of self discovery. They're very interesting, and I agree with most of it and weither i like to admit it or not, I agree with the results even the ones that point out my flaws and things I don't like to accept. I've just recently started reading it, about 2 days ago. I'm halfway through with it. But there's one thing that keeps on bugging me. Every now and then there will be a game where you have to imagine somebody that's supposed to represent your ideal mate or somebody that is like my personal messiah, not just a regular person that I love or feel comfortable with. I can never see anyone, it's always a man but it's always a shadow, a literal shadow. It's a man but he's drowned in black from head to toe. And I even try and force some kind of face, but it's just this mysterious shadow, even my subconscious is not letting me in. Or maybe I just don't think that hard or that far ahead so that person is nowhere in my subconscious mind.