"You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure what you do not understand." - Leonardo daVinci

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Thought of the day

There's never an excuse to be conceited, it only shows your superficiality and how shallow of a character you possess. It's not cute and doesn't deserve any kind of respect. All the relationships you gain through whichever success you've been granted, will all eventually dwindle and show how many people in your life that truly care...zero.

Monday, July 12, 2010


People are so fake. And I don't mean two-faced, I just mean stupid, they say things and don't actually mean them, like a really bad pick-up line. Ugh. Men and women. So over stupidity.

The Word of the Unseen

I'm waiting for the day when people realize that all religions are all the same thing with different labels. Just like pickles. You have different brands, some are cheaper than others, but they're all pickles. Yes, I just compared religion to pickles. But I know that day will never come, because I know what human nature is. If I were to believe in a religious faith and saw signs and miracles everywhere, the single philosophy I would have is this.. Different religions are the Last Test; we humans keep on remaking the same religion over and over and over again and millions are being murdered or committing suicide over that One religion, repeatedly, there is no one right religion, there is ONLY one religion and those who truly see the truth, see that, those are the few that are saved; saved from ignorance; saved from self-damnation; saved from destruction. Heaven and hell is what we make it, not where we go. I would shake my head at those who call themselves true Christians, or true Jews, or true Muslims, or true Polytheists, etc all because they follow rules in a book, the only reason why they're good to people; the only reason why they help those in need is because the book, their Divinity, told them to. That's not true goodness. Genuine goodness comes from your heart, from the choices you choose to make, not because you were told to do something, not because you're only scared of being tortured for all of eternity; that is too ignorance, that is selfishness. If I was the divine force that ruled over everything, I would bow my head in shame at the race I created, fore more than enough have failed my Tests. But I'm not, so instead I bow my head in shame at my fellow race, because now I am doomed to live in a world polluted in fear, hate, ignorance, and self-destruction. There is no Hell where demons roam and babies are ripped apart from limb to limb, there is only the Hell that we, as the human race, have made here, on Earth and generation after generation have to pay the price.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Turn Those Tears Inside Out

I can't stress enough how important it is to smile and see the bigger picture, to laugh when you get rejected, to turn the other way when somebody tells you that you're not shit. A boy you think is perfect, your soulmate, looks at you and walks away never to run into you again, or to be in a committed relationship while you're single. You can't mope and cry about how you let the perfect one slip away. You can't center your life around anybody else but yourself. Didn't you always hear about how you shouldn't put all your eggs in one basket? You have to be able to smile and laugh about The One getting away. Odd word of advice? Because you let yourself center your happiness around the idea of finding that one person that completes you, you find my advice strange. I've learned that you have to be able to shrug away rejection or not even being able to get close enough to touch the person you think is perfect for you... you love the same things, you have the same sense of humor, he/she is gorgeous, and yet doesn't care about you or doesn't know you exist... Painful? Not really. Not anymore for me anyways, because I learned to center myself around.... me. The love of your life got away? So what, you still have your soul, your spirit, the mountains are still there, the friends that you get crazy with, get drunk with, gossip with, have stimulating conversations with, are all still there. You have to see the BIGGER PICTURE. All my life I've had people that were my seniors tell me that I will never amount to anything, the most I'll ever be able to do is to get an AA at a community college, that I have no talent. I've had to teach myself how to let insults wash over me, how to put everything into context, how to be objective and SEE. If I believed that person who told me I'll never amount to anything, I probably wouldn't have.

Learn to smile more.

Learn to shrug away materialistic pain.

Learn to absorb negativity and turn it into something beautiful.

If Michaelangelo focused on one single detail, the Ceiling would have never been finished.

Late Night Confessions

It's practically day light outside and I have to wake up at 11am to feed my dogs and then later babysit my godson until 9:30pm, hopefully I'll have the energy because he can walk now. I do have plans for him today but I don't know how long they will last. I don't want to go to sleep anyways. Sleeping is essential but is such a waste.

I've always been fascinated with baby names but recently when I found out I could more than likely be infertile, I lost almost all fascination with names, because I'm like what's the point? It's like making one of those, create your own shoes or car when you know you can't afford it, it's just another reminder of what you can't have.

I've never been a marriage person. When I got back with my ex, I planned our wedding after he proposed to me. Never say yes when you're not in love by the way. I think I planned it because I just like planning and creating shit. I had everything on this one wedding planner site, theknot.com. After we broke up I've kind of banned myself from going to that site, I'm not saying I have urges to go there, I just don't care for the idea of marriage even more now. And it's not that kind of bitter dislike, it's just less appealing. Just like the idea of me getting a boyfriend is not appealing at all. And guys don't even get it when I say I'm tired of relationships after getting out of my relationship with my ex. "I'm not your ex" is all they'd ever say, and I'd reply with, "you weren't listening to anything I fuckin said." I'm not bitter, I don't hate men, I don't think all men are assholes, I just don't want another boyfriend after being in such a long relationship. I never got a chance to just fuckin ENJOY those 4 years of my life, soooo... why would I throw myself into another relationship? Some people find being in a relationship as a nice security blanket, I see it as a blanket that's suffocating me. When I finally have a chance to be free and on my own and not have anyone to call or make sure I remember their birthday and remember the anniversary date, and not having to explain myself for every single thing that's taken out of context.... why the FUCK..... would I voluntarily lock myself in that cage? That's the point they don't get, that just smells like desperation to me, when you want to be in a relationship with me so bad after not really finding out what kind of person I am. I just stopped telling people that. When they ask why I'm single I just say because I want to be. It is the truth after all.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Desert Thirst

So I've been wanting to take a road trip to the Kelso Sand Dunes in Kelso, CA for about a month. So two days ago, I finally woke up, got my playlist, packed up the right shit and my camera, and drove off. A big rig almost crashed into me while I was on the 605 North. Avoiding traffic and near death experiences, I finally got on the very last freeway while I was in Ludlow,CA (2.5 hours later). I was on the 15 and I didnt even see it, but this sand storm hits my car so hard it sent me into the next lane, good thing a car wasn't next to me. I didn't run into a sand storm that bad after that (good thing too). Finally arriving in Kelso, CA I got off (Exit 78 Kelbaker Rd). I saw this big rock formation and I had to pull off the road and get out my camera.
Got back into my car and drove onward for about 16 more miles, missing the road I had to turn on, I turned around and turned down the gravel road (poor tires), but fuck it I drove 3 hours might as well do it. I'm the only car there, I park and used the most disgusting bathroom of my life. Seeing the signs of snakes, I walked forward saying goodbye to my car. I ofcourse brought water, car keys, and my camera. Seeing footsteps, desert plants, big flying insects, and snake trails I tried to not let the burning sun bother me. (I put on 70 SPF and remembered to wear short shorts.) I walked and walked, trekking quickly is hard to do in the sandy desert. I turn to look back, my car being a small, silver speck in the distance I keep on walking. I stop and calculate how much farther I have to walk in order to reach the very top of the sand dune. I stopped to drink and snap some photos, my feet are burning, my body is on fire, my legs cramp off and on, the more I walked the heavier my feet got, and my eyes were tired of scanning the ground for snakes. The more I drank, the thirstier I got, but I didn't want to drink too much I didn't want to puke at the sand dunes. I knew it would be hell for me to have to walk all the way back so I said adieu and turned around. And as I walked towards my car, the closer I got to it the more thankful I am that I turned around when I did. I felt like I was dying by the time I got to my car, I didn't give a fuck about snakes anymore, I felt my face burning and I was so exhausted from trekking through all that fucking sand. And I had holes in my shoes (why I didn't think of that, I didn't know) so the more I walked the more hot sand got into my shoes, burning my feet and making my feet heavier. I felt stupid because so many have lived in this environment and had to walk through burning deserts for days, but I threw myself in that environment so I didn't feel so bad, but am impressed by those who find trekking through the burning desert not a problem. And it made me miss my parents, if they were there I probably would have made it to the top like I did when I was younger with my mom, but I decided I fulfilled my thirst for the desert. I am glad I drove 3 hours to get there, I figure the traffic on the way back and my car now being covered in sand worth it, and I loved going there by myself, but never again.