"You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure what you do not understand." - Leonardo daVinci

Monday, April 19, 2010

Mona Lisa's Definitions & Exceptions of Cheating

  1. The same rules apply to men AND women.
  2. You can hang out with a person you find attractive, as long as it's not officially called a "date".
  3. It's not cheating, if you're not having sex, any kind of foreplay, or going on official dates.
  4. If the other person kisses you on the cheek or mouth (no tongue), it is not cheating.
  5. However, if you kiss the other person first, it is cheating.
  6. If you "forget" to remind your SO of this new person(s) in your life, it is not cheating.
  7. Just because you feel guilty, doesn't mean you're cheating.
  8. If you kiss on the mouth for only a couple seconds, it's fine as long as there was no tongue.
  9. It is not cheating if you feel butterflies in your stomach at the thought of this other person.
  10. Just because your SO defines cheating, doesn't make your obediance to those rules mandatory.
  11. If your definition of cheating does not match your SO's, then it's up to you to decide which ones you will abide by.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

bored weight

Cute guy at the fair I went to. I actually saw 2 (out of hundreds) REALLY good looking guys, but i'm more realistic nowadays.

What I wouldn't give to come home to an empty apartment of my own. FUCK.

I feel gross. I need (want to badly) lose atleast 10 pounds. If I just ate better I'd lose those 10 in a week easy. Just because I know how I eat, I've rarely ate when I'm hungry. I usually eat all day, hungry or not, it's just something to do. I eat when I'm bored, and I'm bored a lot. And it's not like I eat healthy all the time. But it's funny because I never know when I'm actually hungry because I always ate throughout the entire day, I never gave myself a chance to get hungry.  I didn't eat anything this morning and after the first couple hours of a growling stomach, I wasn't hungry. I actually had to force myself to eat dinner, because I literally wasn't hungry the entire day. And I ate salad and one slice of pizza and I was full but I started another slice of pizza, habits are hard to break, and I finished it because I didn't have any caloric intake the entire day except for my Protein Berry Workout jamba juice (16 oz.).

Monday, April 12, 2010

attempt #2

I did a more complex search on the same sperm bank. Okay, not all is lost. (whew) there were 0 exact matches =( but there were 222 partial searches found. And the free shit is cool =) they don't rob you. Is it sad that I'm staying up looking at profiles of sperm donors to ease the pain of boredom at 2:42am? (Just how bored am I?) They even have donor look-a-likes... if only I could believe that shit. The last time I took somebody's word on how a guy looked, I came face to face with a goblin from the lord of the rings.

The highest I got was 50% matched to what I asked for, and I only had two 50%s. It was either Chad Lindburg or Bill Gates... not much of a choice. So I went down in the 46%s and I like the Bulgarian.

I need to find something else to do when bored.

sperm or not to sperm

(Not that I'm looking to get pregnant soon, but curiosity killed the cat... fortunately for me, I'm human.)

I'm not one of those women who has dreamed of her husband since the age of 6.  So.. don't get me mixed up.

I don't have high standards, I really don't. But I went to this quick online search for this sperm bank of thousands of donors, the "donor catalog" (you have to register to actually order the sperm.. naturally) I only picked the eye color and the hair color... and zero matches found?

That's so fucking depressing.

Cock... a doodle do?

I used to check out so many cute, Black guys every time I turned my head, but now... I'm just not interested. Yeah I had sex with a white guy for the first time but I gave it a 5... 5.5 for effort, it didnt blow me to the ceiling (literally), so that's not why. The same guys that I would date don't do it for me anymore, a guy that's just cute or even really hot, if he's not intelligent and talented in some way too, I am in NO WAY interested...it's like my vagina locked the fridge. It's kind of depressing, because I see the guys that I would have said yes yes yes! to but I just shake my head as I feel nothing, not a damn thing.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Friday, April 9, 2010

super glue

I try to disappear while not doing anything different, hoping the same people will forget I'm there so I can be left alone for once. I'm over being in the same argument with my ex-boyfriend for the past few years. It's WWIII with me, it's neverending. I don't care if we become friends, which I doubt will happen because he's bad at just being friends with an ex, but when will the battle just stop? I'm tired of fighting, but I have to keep it up because I'm not falling back in the same pattern, I'm not getting back with him, and he doesn't realize that it's exhausting repeating myself all the time. And those who just tell me to leave him alone and he will leave me alone, don't know him. I'm tired of people telling me what to do with my life like they know better and I'm tired of being looked down on by people who call themselves my friends. I treasure the good times me and my ex had, but the bad times overshadow them. I will never sell the ring or pawn it, I treasure that and those who have never truly been in love, don't understand the value. It is sad that all my hopes of being married to him and having his kids are dead, those hopes were raped, beaten, and shot. I'm not in love with him anymore but it still puts a weight on my shoulders. Even after all the shit he put me through, I don't wish him any ill-will, but he wants to call me immature because I don't want to talk to him about us...I've said everything that I could possibly say, it's not immature if you're tired of talking about the same shit years later.

Sunday, April 4, 2010


Still working on my graphic novel project. I'm going to start my children book projects and next summer i get to finish my novel =) yay. well the first draft, i go through 100 drafts when i write.


I need to start looking for 80s music. im such a freak sometimes but thats ok.