Friday, April 9, 2010
I try to disappear while not doing anything different, hoping the same people will forget I'm there so I can be left alone for once. I'm over being in the same argument with my ex-boyfriend for the past few years. It's WWIII with me, it's neverending. I don't care if we become friends, which I doubt will happen because he's bad at just being friends with an ex, but when will the battle just stop? I'm tired of fighting, but I have to keep it up because I'm not falling back in the same pattern, I'm not getting back with him, and he doesn't realize that it's exhausting repeating myself all the time. And those who just tell me to leave him alone and he will leave me alone, don't know him. I'm tired of people telling me what to do with my life like they know better and I'm tired of being looked down on by people who call themselves my friends. I treasure the good times me and my ex had, but the bad times overshadow them. I will never sell the ring or pawn it, I treasure that and those who have never truly been in love, don't understand the value. It is sad that all my hopes of being married to him and having his kids are dead, those hopes were raped, beaten, and shot. I'm not in love with him anymore but it still puts a weight on my shoulders. Even after all the shit he put me through, I don't wish him any ill-will, but he wants to call me immature because I don't want to talk to him about us...I've said everything that I could possibly say, it's not immature if you're tired of talking about the same shit years later.